Flora Cantábrica

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III. ILLNESS AND DEATH OF JACINTA

 

1. Jacinta’s Illness

 

This was how Jacinta spent her days, until Our Lord sent the

influenza that confined her to bed, and her brother Francisco as

well 19. The evening before she fell sick, she said:

“I’ve a terrible headache and I’m so thirsty! But I won’t take a

drink, because I want to suffer for sinners.”

Apart from school or the small tasks I was given to do, I spent

every free moment with my little companions. One day, when I called

in on my way to school, Jacinta said to me:

 “Listen! Tell the Hidden Jesus that I like Him very much, that I

really love Him very much indeed.” At other times, she said:

“Tell Jesus that I send Him my love, and long to see Him.”

Whenever I visited her room first, she used to say: “Now go

and see Francisco. I’ll make the sacrifice of staying here alone.”

On another occasion, her mother brought her a cup of milk

and told her to take it. “I don’t want it, mother,” she answered, pushing

the cup away with her little hand. My aunt insisted a little, and

then left the room, saying: “I don’t know how to make her take

anything; she has no appetite.” As soon as we were alone, I asked

her:“How can you disobey your mother like that, and not offer this

sacrifice to Our Lord?” When she heard this, she shed a few tears

which I had the happiness of drying, and said: “I forgot this time.”

She called her mother, asked her forgiveness, and said she’d take

whatever she wanted. Her mother brought back the cup of milk,

and Jacinta drank it down without the slightest sign of repugnance.

Later, she told me:

“If you only knew how hard it was to drink that!”

Another time, she said to me: “It’s becoming harder and harder

for me to take milk and broth, but I don’t say anything. I drink it all

for love of Our Lord and of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, our dear

heavenly Mother.”

Again, I asked her: “Are you better?”

“You know I’m not getting better,” she replied, and added: “I’ve

such pains in my chest! But I don’t say anything. I’m suffering for

the conversion of sinners.”

One day when I arrived, she asked: “Did you make many sacrifices

today? I’ve made a lot. My mother went out, and I wanted to

go and visit Francisco many times, and I didn’t go.”

 

2. Visit from the Blessed Virgin

 

Jacinta did improve somewhat, however. She was even able

to get up, and could thus spend her days sitting on Francisco’s

bed. On one occasion, she sent for me to come and see her at

once. I ran right over.

“Our Lady came to see us,” Jacinta said. “She told us she

would come to take Francisco to heaven very soon, and she asked

me if I still wanted to convert more sinners. I said I did.

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She told me I would be going to a hospital where I would suffer

a great deal; and that I am to suffer for the conversion of sinners, in

reparation for the sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of

Mary, and for love of Jesus. I asked if you would go with me. She

said you wouldn’t, and that is what I find hardest. She said my

mother would take me, and then I would have to stay there all alone!”

After this, she was thoughtful for awhile, and then added: “If

only you could be with me! The hardest part is to go without you.

Maybe, the hospital is a big dark house, where you can’t see, and

I’ll be there suffering all alone! But never mind! I’ll suffer for love of

Our Lord, to make reparation to the Immaculate Heart of Mary, for

the conversion of sinners and for the Holy Father.”

When the moment arrived for her brother to go to Heaven, she

confided to him these last messages: 20 “Give all my love to Our

Lord and Our Lady, and tell them that I’ll suffer as much as they

want, for the conversion of sinners and in reparation to the Immaculate

Heart of Mary.”

Jacinta suffered keenly when her brother died. She remained

a long time buried in thought, and if anyone asked her what she

was thinking about, she answered: “About Francisco. I’d give anything

to see him again!” Then her eyes brimmed over with tears.

One day, I said to her: “It won’t be long now till you go to heaven.

But what about me!”

“You poor thing! Don’t cry! I’ll pray lots and lots for you when

I’m there. As for you, that’s the way Our Lady wants it. If she wanted

that for me, I’d gladly stay and suffer more for sinners.”

 

3. 3. In the Hospital at Ourém

 

The day came for Jacinta to go to hospital 21 There indeed she

was to suffer a great deal. When her mother went to see her, she

asked if she wanted anything. She told her that she wanted to see

1. This was no easy matter for my aunt, but she took me with her

at the first opportunity. As soon as Jacinta saw me, she joyfully

threw her arms around me, and asked her mother to leave me with

her while she went to do her shopping. Then I asked her if she was

suffering a lot.

“Yes, I am. But I offer everything for sinners, and in reparation

to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.” Then, filled with enthusiasm,

she spoke of Our Lord and Our Lady: “Oh, how much I love to

suffer for love of Them, just to give Them pleasure! They greatly

love those who suffer for the conversion of sinners.”

The time allotted for the visit passed rapidly, and my aunt arrived

to take me home. She asked Jacinta if she wanted anything.

The child begged her mother to bring me with her next time she

came to see her. So my good aunt, who loved to make her little

daughter happy, took me with her a second time. I found Jacinta as

joyful as ever, glad to suffer for the love of our Good God and of the

Immaculate Heart of Mary, for sinners and the Holy Father. That

was her ideal, and she could speak of nothing else.

 

4.Return to Aljustrel

 

She returned home to her parents for yet a while. She had a

large open wound in her chest which had to be treated every day,

but she bore this without complaint and without the least sign of

irritation. What distressed her most were the frequent visits and

questionings on the part of many people who wanted to see her,

and whom she could no longer avoid by running off to hide.

“ I am offering this sacrifice too, for the conversion of sinners,”

she said resignedly. “I would give anything to be able to go up to

the Cabeço and say a Rosary there in our favourite place! But I am

not able for it any more. When you go to the Cova da Iria pray for

1. Just think, I shall never go there again!” The tears streamed

down her cheeks.

One day my aunt made this request: “Ask Jacinta what she is

thinking, when she covers her face with her hands and remains

motionless for such a long while. I’ve already asked her, but she

just smiles and does not answer.” I put the question to Jacinta.

“ I think of Our Lord,” she replied, “of Our Lady, of sinners, and

of… (and she mentioned certain parts of the Secret). I love to think.”

My aunt asked me how she answered. I just smiled. This led

my aunt to tell my mother what had happened. “The life of these

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children is an enigma to me,” she exclaimed, “ I can’t understand

it!” And my mother added: “Yes, and when they are alone, they talk

nineteen to the dozen. Yet, however hard you listen, you can never

catch a single word! I just can’t understand all this mystery.”

 

5.. Renewed Visits from the Blessed Virgin

 

Once again, the Blessed Virgin deigned to visit Jacinta, to tell

her of new crosses and sacrifices awaiting her. She gave me the

news saying:

“She told me that I am going to Lisbon to another hospital; that

I will not see you again, nor my parents either, and after suffering a

great deal, I shall die alone. But she said I must not be afraid, since

she herself is coming to take me to heaven.”

She hugged me and wept: “ l will never see you again! You

won’t be coming to visit me there. Oh please, pray hard for me,

because I am going to die alone!”

Jacinta suffered terribly right up until the day of her departure

for Lisbon. She kept clinging to me and sobbing: “ I’ll never see you

again! Nor my mother, nor my brothers, nor my father! I’ll never see

anybody ever again! And then, I’ll die all alone!”

“Don’t think about it,” I advised her one day.

“Let me think about it,” she replied, “for the more I think the

more I suffer, and I want to suffer for love of Our Lord and for sinners.

Anyway, I don’t mind! Our Lady will come to me there and

take me to heaven.”

At times, she kissed and embraced a crucifix, exclaiming: “O

my Jesus! I love You, and I want to suffer very much for love of You.”

How often did she say: “O Jesus! Now You can convert many sinners,

because this is really a big sacrifice!”

From time to time, she asked me: “Am I going to die without

receiving the Hidden Jesus? If only Our Lady would bring Him to

me, when she comes to fetch me!”

One day I asked her: “What are you going to do in Heaven?”

“I’m going to love Jesus very much, and the Immaculate Heart

of Mary, too. I’m going to pray a lot for you, for sinners, for the Holy

Father, for my parents and my brothers and sisters, and for all the

people who have asked me to pray for them…”

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When her mother looked sad at seeing the child so ill, Jacinta

used to say:

“Don’t worry, mother. I’m going to Heaven, and there I’ll be

praying so much for you.”

Or again: “Don’t cry. I’m alright.” If they asked her if she needed

anything, she answered: “No, I don’t, thank you.” Then when they

had left the room, she said: “I’m so thirsty, but I don’t want to take a

drink. I’m offering it to Jesus for sinners.”

One day, when my aunt had been asking me many questions,

Jacinta called me to her and said: “I don’t want you to tell anybody

that I’m suffering, not even my mother; I do not want to upset her.”

On one occasion, I found her clasping a picture of Our Lady to

her heart, and saying, “O my dearest heavenly Mother, do I have to

die all alone?” The poor child seemed so frightened at the thought

of dying alone! I tried to comfort her, saying: “What does it matter if

you die alone, so long as Our Lady is coming to fetch you?”

“It’s true, it doesn’t matter, really. I don’t know why it is, but I

sometimes forget Our Lady is coming to take me. I only remember

that I’ll die without having you near me.”

 

6.Leaving for Lisbon

 

The day came 22 at last when she was to leave for Lisbon. It

was a heartrending farewell. For a long time, she clung to me with

her arms around my neck, and sobbed: “We shall never see each

other again! Pray a lot for me, until I go to Heaven. Then I will pray

a lot for you. Never tell the Secret to anyone, even if they kill you.

Love Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary very much, and

make many sacrifices for sinners.”

From Lisbon, she sent me word that Our Lady had come to

see her there; she had told her the day and hour of her death.

Finally Jacinta reminded me to be very good.

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EPILOGUE

 

And now, I have finished telling Your Excellency what I remember

about Jacinta’s life. I ask our Good God to deign to accept

this act of obedience, that it may kindle in souls a fire of love for the

Hearts of Jesus and Mary.

I would like to ask just one favour. If Your Excellency should

publish anything 23 of what I have just written, would you do it in

such a way that no mention whatsoever is made of my poor and

miserable self. I must confess, moreover, that if it were to come to

my knowledge that Your Excellency had burnt this account, without

even reading it, I would be very glad indeed, since I wrote it solely

out of obedience to the will of our Good God, as made known to

me through the express will of Your Excellenc